How to Be Assertive at Work & Not Alienate Anyone!

I like this (very long) New York Times piece on how to be assertive without alienating anyone, especially in the workplace. Below are 5 points I have distilled, complete with helpful sample language:

1. Be brief but gracious when saying no. An example of how to stand up for yourself and not tear anyone down: “I can see why your proposal has benefits, but here’s how I think we should proceed.” Sample language for declining a return invitation to speak: “I’m glad it went well last year, but this year is no good.”
2. Anticipate likely scenarios (that’s what we lawyers do!), and prepare responses. Avoid starting sentences with “you” (too accusatory) . Start with “I” instead. For example, if someone is asking you to respond over the weekend, try: “I need uninterrupted downtime this weekend so I’m not checking mail until Monday.” Remember you don’t have to respond immediately. “Let me check my schedule and get back to you” is a perfectly acceptable response.
3. Ask your boss to prioritize requests. Managers might not know what’s on your plate or how long something will take. As a result, they may be ok with triage and an explanation of what you can do when: “I can absolutely do X, but this other deadline will have to wait for tomorrow.” Or “I’ve got these five things you’d like me to do. Which is the most important?” Importantly, don’t apologize. Just state the options and ask what the manager wants.
4. Deliver your message confidently in a matter-of-fact way for best results.
5. Women and minorities should take into account other people’s biases about them. Women, for example, are expected to be kind, work well with others, and to nurture relationships (whereas men can be more forceful and less attentive to other people’s needs). Advocate for yourself but do read the room and “shape … requests to be more in line with gender expectations.” (Sadly, if you don’t, there could be repercussions.)