Dealing with Rejection, Lawyers’ Edition

Lawyers are often Type A go-getters. Getting through law school, passing the bar, and climbing the corporate ladder take effort and will, so when we get rejected, it’s tough. I enjoyed the book The Rejection That Changed My Life, which profiles leaders who were let down but turned it around. Some key points from the lawyers in the group:
–         Andie Kramer, a McDermott Will & Emery partner and author of It’s Not You, It’s the Workplace, told the sad tale of doing a great job as a summer associate for a top firm but not getting an offer. Turns out the reason was she rubbed a key partner the wrong way. How? When he asked her to do a project, she walked over to shake his hand, which made him get up from sitting at his desk with his feet on it in the “ultimate power pose.” She also took a seat near his desk rather than the proffered low couch that “looked like a dog bed.” Although she was “heartbroken” she didn’t get an offer, she ultimately ended up with better ones that launched her career. Her main tips: know you can develop grit and resilience to deal with the inevitable rejection, and learn from mistakes by figuring out another way to approach the problem. Also, maintain perspective. When her mother passed away from cancer and “the first couple of client crises [Andie] handled after that when people around [her] were going nuts,” she would think “It’s only money. We’re not doing brain surgery here.”
–         Joan Williams, the Hastings professor and founding director of the Center for Worklife Law, made the mistake as a junior professor of turning down membership on the law school admissions committee (she wanted to spend her time instead on being a scholar). She  was “clueless” and “didn’t understand the political implications of saying no.” As a result she was seen as “difficult and not a team player.” She learned that a man, expected to be ambitious and direct, can turn things down, but a woman is supposed to be modest and interpersonally sensitive. So if she fights expectations, she’s seen as not getting the message and full of herself. Professor Williams’ tip for women who want to buck what’s expected, e.g., to act in a typically “masculine” way, is to “do it in a feminine way by upping the level of warmth in your tone and expression.”
–         Laura Weidman Powers has a JD/MBA from Stanford and talks about an early rejection from Google, which felt like “a big deal at the time,” but other doors opened after that. “[W]e don’t live in a world where all opportunities are presented at the exact same time for you to choose from. A rejection happens, and then other opportunities come later.”

I talk to lots of great lawyers, and no one has a straight path to success. The key is to learn from your mistakes. Don’t double down with more of the same if that’s not working.